smile

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. 

"Brenda, may I come in?"  he asks.  "I've somethin'to tell ya."

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim.  But where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda.  "There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!"  cries Brenda.  "Please don't tell me.."

"I must, Brenda.  Your husband Shamus is dead and gone.  I'm sorry."

Finally, she looked up at Tim.  "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda.  He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus!  But you must tell me true, Tim.  "Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, no Brenda... no.  Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

............................................................................................................

 AND THE BEST FOR LAST.

 A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing. 

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk just sits there.  Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. 

The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either.