if you don't like puns, skip this

 a) I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day,
 but I couldn't find any.
>>>>
 b) I went to a seafood disco last week - and pulled a
 mussel.
>>>>
 c) What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>>>>
 d) Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to
 the other and says, 'Dam!'
>>>>
 e)Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit
 a fire in the craft.
         Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that
 you can't have your
        kayak and heat it too.
>>>>
f) A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and
 were standing in the
        lobby discussing their recent tournament
 victories. After about an hour, the
        manager came out of the office, and asked them
 to disperse. 'But why,' they
        asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he
 said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
 foyer.'
>>>>
g) A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One
 of them goes to a
       family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.' The
 other goes to a family in Spain; they name him
 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
 to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
 her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
 Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If
 you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
>>>>
h) Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of
 the time, which
        produced an impressive set of calluses on his
 feet. He also ate very little,
       which made him rather frail and with his odd diet,
 he suffered from bad
       breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad,
 it's good)
       A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by
 halitosis.
>>>>
i) And finally, there was the person who sent nineteen
 different puns
       to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of
 the puns would make them laugh.
      No pun in ten did.